Exploring the Root Cause of Failed Relationships

Grab a snack, pull up a chair, and take a deep breath…  In this week’s edition of the blog, we’re going to talk about relationships.

Before you get anxious and close the browser window, hear me out.

Relationships are arguably the most important aspect of our existence as human beings.  From family to significant others, friendships, coworkers, clients, sports teammates, and mentors, the strength of our relationships is at the core of our emotional, spiritual, and financial well being.

Yet somehow we all (myself included) royally screw them up.

I went around asking people this week to share their thoughts on successful relationships.  The vast majority said something along the lines of “good communication.”  I agree.  However, I’m convinced the answer lies at an even deeper level than just communication.

I believe relationships ultimately hinge on one thing:  Expectations.

If expectations aren’t aligned, any relationship is doomed.  I’ll give you three simplified scenarios as examples:

1) Business — A CEO publishes a job description for a “Facilities Manager.”  He uses fluffy language in the interview related to “overseeing our corporate headquarters, managing contractors, and handling warehouse inventory.”  What he fails to mention is the Facilities Manager is expected to clean the bathrooms 5 times per day.

After two months, the new employee quits.  He stomps into the CEO’s office after cleaning the bathroom, throws a dirty rag, and they argue about how disgusting the company employees are.

However, what the Facilities Manager is actually upset about (but doesn’t say) is his expectation of superiority over that type of work given his 20+ years of experience in the field.

2) Family — After taking care of the kids all week, a woman feels it is her husband’s responsibility to mow the grass and exercise every weekend.  The dad is tired from work and would prefer to watch football.  Three weeks go by, and the grass continues growing.

A fight ensues over what seems at surface level to be really tall, unkempt grass in the yard.  In reality, it’s a misalignment of expectations regarding the long-term roles of each parent.

3) School — A professor assigns a final project to a group of students.  Sally is striving to get into an Ivy League school and needs an A+ on the project.  She (of course) doesn’t explain this to her group and just assumes they too will work hard.  Bob couldn’t care less because he’s working for his dad after graduation and prints out clip art for his section of the poster.

Sally is furious.  They end up arguing about the clip art for days when really the root issue is a misalignment between Sally and Bob’s career aspirations.

Friends, I’m telling you…  The success of relationships hinges on expectations.

I’m no Dr. Phil, but I’ve seen misaligned expectations ruin relationships time and time again.

Explaining to people what you want in life is hard.  Many times, it is uncomfortable and easier to avoid.

Rather than ignoring the giant elephant in the room, lay your expectations out on the table from day #1.  You and your relationships will be far more successful as a result.

See you next Sunday at 8:30pm.  🙂